music is everything

So I guess a week without a job and I found something close to me.
My interview was something like this :
- oh Hi, can u help us? here's dishes - wash them.
-ok....
*1 hr later*
-So this is one half of your job, bla bla bla.

So first I worked and then I had interview... It's nice I actually know how everything work in restaurants, they didnt have to explain me alot...

and everybody there is new, and about the same age.
Nice place. I got some food home...

Tomorow I have exam, interview and work...
I'm not going to another interview, cause the place is full of asian, they dont take "non-asian" people...

huh.
I'm "fired" without being employed...
my ex-boss asked me not to come anymore... I guess they just used me.
at least I get money for two days...

I was crushed with this news yesterday... now everybody cheers me up all the time...

at least my gf still loves me...


I look like shit right now... everybody says that... Eyes are too sad, and even smiling doesnt help me look better...
I guess I falled to my depression again...

I totally love my job =))
I'm on training but still - it's awesome. I tried doing some drinks, and customers are so fucking nice to me, they are ok waiting for me while I'm slowly trying to find out what i should put in their drinks...
I like that we have kinda clean place, cause I HATE dirty kitchen or any other place where food is made. yeah...
I cant wait until next week, I dont know when exactly I work, but I think I'm working 3 days next week, and then I will work there for sure if I dont screw up a lot =))

yeah....
I'm writing exam tomorow, I'm not really nervous, cause I know much more than I need for exam.
but it sucks that periods showed up just now, cause I have a horrible stomach pain right now... :((

well good luck to me...
also gonna teach my old brother some music theory (he wants to know how to write music finally =))

I'm so HAPPY..
just yesterday I was saying "I'm gonna break if I dont get that job, there's just no hope to live"
and today i call to the place where I want to work and the guy said to come tomorow in black cloth, and he said that I start working tomorow, and he'll order me a uniform...
can u imagine??? I am actually gonna work, and guess what - it makes me happy.

my mom kinda was mad at me for not going to other interviews, and today when I didnt reach manager first time, I was so scared... I freaked out... and then I was just crying, until my dad cheered me up...

well yeah... at least now I can prepare for exam, cause I'm in a mood to do it perfect =)

I dont know what's wrong with me or my periods, but if my period are not gonna show up for 6 month I'm gonna have a baby.
lol
I didnt have periods for 3 months... or more??
my periods were supposed to be stable a year ago, but they are still coming late for 3-5 months...

does it mean I'm still going through puberty? at 17???

*i'm gonna go cry now..."

week of good mood...
and now I'm back to my depression.
Kinda tired of my mood...

song is not finished, cause my ex came to my house, and we are back together, but no kisses - which really upsets me... well I dont really miss her, but it's ok now to tell what I dont really mean, or feel, this way everybody's happy (except for me).



I have exam in a week, and I really feel like I'm gonna fail it, if I'm gonna be depressed that day... I just wish I could write it a few days ago...


I watched tv, and I'm scared to be an adult, having sad and tired face all the time, sleeping a few hours a day, working a lot, being isolated from the world and seeing the same faces all the time... It just really makes me want to kill myself, so I dont have to go thought that... I'm not even saying about being like 60... cause that's just not happy at all...


and I found out that my grandpa is back to drinking, cause grandma is in a hospital, has some strange desease with her legs. And my grandpa is home almost alone...
world just freaks me out everyday...

my parents left the house for 3-4 days... I decided to call girl I like and ask her to come over.
It was yesterday... at the time I was supposed to meet her, she called me and said she cant come because of her tummy. Ok, she probably didnt want to see me...
Today my ex came, because she knew I'm single and I just dont want any girlfriend, I just want open relationship... We spend the day together... hugging lol. No kisses as usual... thanx god she went home... I was tired of her hugging personality... later she sent me a messenge saying she wanted to kiss, lol she knew we could even have sex and I wouldn't be against it... but she's just saying what she wants to late.

So then my friend called me and suggested me to meet some his friend, who's bi. Well I dont really trust bisexual people, but it's just stereotypes I have in my had and try to fight them... I met her like 4 h after my ex left... She's the most beutiful girl I've ever met... she's sweet, she's cute, she shares some interests as me, it's interesting to talk with her, she's just awessome... but she had to go home and me too... and right when I was about to go to my house with her and friends, my nose started bleeding... omg... i wish i faded and she would hug me... and then my dog started barking on my friend... so they could stay...
and now I'm all alone, nothing good happened without my parents...

I should stop blaming my parents for being so lame...

I've been thinking about the song I want to write... and the idea someone here gave me doesnt really work, cause it was like 2 years ago, and I ddidnt see that girl for long time... so I kinda have nothing to write a song now...
but cause I just broke up with someone "special" I decided to write a song about her... and I actually didnt expect I have so much nice to say about her... I still wish she was here...

omg.... I came out to my friend not long time ago...
and we didnt talk since then, and she asked me if I had a crush on her...
so I told her that I loved her a lot... and I just closed my eyes and didnt want to know what she has to say...
and you know she laughed... but I still have crush on her...
I still believe she's bi somewhere deep in her heart...

I will always have crush on her, but that's ok. I still can love other people even more than her =))

wow... I went to my music teacher today... I get so happy after music lessons really... today I almost felt from my chair, because my teacher was moving me from one side of piano to another... It was very funny...
so I came home and I was so happy really, I'm feeling like writing a song...
something smily!!!
I thing I need lyrics to write a music, any ideas??